Monday, July 09, 2007

Stress Can Kill you!

I pride myself on knowing a lot of things including having the information that stress can kill you. Stress Management is one of the topics that I am often requested to do workshops on throughout the business community. Still I wasn’t prepared to deal with my own level of stress and how not managing it could cause some serious health problems.

Three things happened that set me off. The first was the call from mother informing me that she had just purchased a car for cash and was short of about 2100 dollars and could I bring the money to the dealer right away. Immediately I got angry. I had just spoken to her the week before taking her to look for a car that was affordable to her, not me. We agreed to wait until she called my dad and they went on their own personal search. Actually they got an excellent deal with dad having a background in auto mechanics. But it was how it was done that sent me over the top. I felt disrespected, put out, and everything else. Stress I tell you!

The Guilt Trip from her: All the money I paid for you to go to college.......

Next the abortion. Receiving a call on the day of the abortion to pick the person up from the center because their car would not start and they would not let them leave without a ride. Imagine me showing up at 7:30 a.m. in the morning to an abortion center. There are protesters everywhere screaming at me “to not kill off my race, its genocide, don’t do it, its murder, and what can we do to help?” Imagine walking into a room and seeing it packed with teenagers, married women and their husbands, of all races, many crying, others talking about their choices, etc., and it seems like everyone is talking to me. I am against abortions. I was picking someone up and that someone was with her mother whom I am good friends with. They could not have a cab. Stress I say! Should I have not picked the family up, stayed out of it? I don’t know. They were family friends and I had counseled the teen several years earlier until I transferred her case. The teen was 18, a high school graduate and was with her mother. It was their choice, not mines. I was just picking them up, I didn’t take them. The procedure started the day before.

Stress I tell you!

The third thing that happened:

I got into my car on the hottest day of the year and it would not start. It's only about 2.6 years old, I have never had any problems with it. The car dealer will not honor repairing the car if you allow anyone else to touch it. They are located 45 minutes away. I have to call my husband to come and get me on the parking lot of my favorite store for shopping. I shop when I am stressed out and having to call him, pretty much put my business out there. That was stressful.

So I am learning to deal with not allowing folks to stress me out.

First I am communicating clearly to all that I can't help everybody without destroying me. Then I am done. My family has been warned.

I am going to a Spa for a week in Tennessee to get pampered and treated special. Any money being spent is on me.

Next my husband and I have started a walking program. We are in our fifth day. I am feeling better.

Lesson for me: I have one life. I have to enjoy it and treat myself well if I want to be healthy and happy. Finally I can not be all things to all people and when you try people just start to use you. Finally, I have Learned to say no it is so much healthier.

Now I can smile again:


Luke Cage said...

So happy for your revival miss Rose. I tell you, especially among our people, stress is definitely a killer. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I had high blood pressure a few years ago. (it's hereditary) But in finding out about it, I became stressed out and had to find a way to mimimize the level of bp and retreat into my "cave."

In doing this, I was able to combat my stress. Through my artwork, web design, or simply resting. It all worked out for me in the end and now I'm at a normal 120/75. Sometimes we have to say and do tough things that aren't always the most popular decisions. But we have to take care of ourselves better. Kudo's to you miss Rose! I see you!

Lady Bea Morgan said...

Rose, NO is an answer. It's okay to say it. The more you say it,the easier it is to say and the more you say it, the stronger NO gets. Pretty soon, you'll be able to say NO before the question is asked. Just kidding about saying no before the question is asked; that's not scripture. The bible says that it is folly to answer a matter before it is heard. So, just listen first, then yell, NO!

bunny said...

I love the second pic and yes you were definitely going through some stressful times. I used to kid with my 2 good friends because they could never say no to people. I would tell them they had to take my class "How to say no and not feel guilty" needless to say, they didn't enroll lol!!

I'm glad you are on the path to health and happiness on your own terms.

Momma Bear said...

I have not thought it a good idea to remind your children or anyone what I did for them; thus expecting something in return. The way I see it is no children have asked to be born. We are the ones who bring them into the world and it is our responsibility to do the best we can for them. A lot of people tell me what I did for my kids and they owe it to me to do this or that for me. The only thing my kids owe me is respect, love and kindness just as I feel I owe them. I pray that they all have the love of God in their hearts.

I really got a lot out of this post. I need to follow your lead on saying "no" and by sticking to it.

TJ said...

Take care, Rose!! Hope everything is going better.

BostonPobble said...

YAY ROSE!!!!!!!!!! You are as important as any of the people you want to help. I'm glad you are remembering that. We all lose sight of it occasionally. Good for you for remembering.


Rosemarie said...

I’ve read this common thread here before. Everyone leans on you. You have to start putting up those clear signs that say, "I can help you, help yourself!" Dang, get that needed rest and pampering.

I hope I never throw a comment like that at my daughter. I agree with Momma Bear! ^5 My daughter never asked me to be here that was our choice. Folk are crazy!

kathi said...

The only family I have to ask me for anything are my two boys. I'd give anything if I could do more for them, but they know I do as much as I can. I'm just so thankful to have them, period.

I do remember my mom telling me as a kid that I was ungrateful for all she'd done for me, and for the life of me, I couldn't think of anything she'd done that wasn't expected from a parent. Of course, there were other forces at work there, demons of her own that she was fighting.

I do believe that you've got to be able to say 'no'. But you've also got to keep in mind that someday you may find yourself in the position of being the one having to ask for something.

If you ever find a way to keep stress at bay, share it with me, please. I put it all in His hands, but sometimes it takes me a while to remember to do that and by that time, my heart is beating hard! I do hope you have a great time being 'pampered', you do so deserve it. Good for you.

BostonPobble said...

Hey Rose ~ Next time you get a chance, be sure to read my post from Tuesday, July 10 entitled "Pobble Thinkings." I just want to make sure you don't miss that one in case I write more before you get to it. Cheers.

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