Wednesday, January 25, 2006



Is a secret really a secret?

Is confidentially really confidential?When someone says, 'I have something to tell you and please don't tell anyone', what would you do? Is confidentially really confidential? I mean when someone says not to tell, do you? I have to be honest-it depends on the situation. There are some things you have to tell, like things that would harm others, things that would stop your company from making profits, like if you found out someone was stealing and it was reported but the person who told you said, don't tell. I have to tell but I always tell the person I can't keep that information secret. Or I will tell the person when they first say please don't tell, I let them know I may have to depending on the situation. But I wonder if secrets are really secrets. Let me say this. My husband and I are close so when someone tells me something that's ridiculous or that is too hard to believe I talk it over with him. So really I broke ‘the don't tell thing’ right?

There are other times I just have to tell my best friend. See I tell her that too, "don't tell". But who knows she may tell someone but I never find out. Or if it is too good to hold, I begged the person who told me to let me tell. I talk about this because they are things that folks have said behind others' back that's so detrimental to a persons' character and reputation and even still there are lies that folks make up just to get revenge on another person so they tell someone on their job, don't tell what I am about to tell you. But what that person failed to realize is this-everybody tells when they think you are a trouble maker, when they know the other person better or when the person that you are dogging out is in management and they tell to get ahead you know like loyalty. They tell.

I know many folks who lied about a coworker or a supervisor to another staff because they thought they could trust the person and that person couldn't wait to tell. Yet the person walks around as if they have never said a word but everybody knows what they did because not only did the person who made up the lie spread rumors, the person they told spread what they said. Then the person who was lied on told other people so they wouldn't trust the liar with anything they didn't want exposed. So the person sits around thinking their secret was kept because they think they told the most trustworthy person a bunch of mess and Ms. Trustworthy couldn't wait to tell. As soon as they were told they ran as fast as they could


So I ask you this: Is a secret really a secret? Is confidence in someone really confidentially when you can't keep a secret? The moral of this sorry is: if you are going to talk about someone you might as well talk to the person you are having the problem with. I say this because the person you are talking about is going to find out anyway. In my opinion, there are no secrets, only folks who think there are. So if you don't want people on your job to know that you have said horrible things about them, don't tell folks at work. Tell your friend or spouse away from the office if you must talk about someone. That way you save face on your job
should your secret be exposed. So if you don't want something to get back to others, keep the secret to yourself.

23 comments:

Shirazi said...

There is nothing confidential anymore. My own experience says that only secrets are in your head. When you tell something to anyone, it is no more a secret.

lady in satin said...

I don't think anything is confidential anymore!! I tell my Grandmother everything!! Even if someone tells me NOT to tell anyone, I'll tell her!! lol. My Grandmother and I are so close and I can't keep a secret from her, even if you paid me!! lol

for_the_lonely said...

I have shared many secrets with others, and many secrets have been shared with me. Some secrets are good, others are bad....but I must admit that no matter how bad a secret is, I never tell...and I'd expect the same from those I divulge personal information to as well. :)

Have a beautiful Thursday!

Love,
Sarah

'ka said...

hmm.. i would say ALMOST nothing is confidential anymore. 'cuz i do believe that there's still someone out there who's trustworthy. it's not easy to find... but s/he is out there :)

jazeGma2 said...

Great blog! You are so right on this. That's why you have to be very careful what you say and who you say it too! I say it all the time.

This is when I no longer consider confidentially a secret becasuse it has turned into gossip and rumors. They just don't know how many coworkers have repeated the statements they have made.

Especailly when several individuals all have confidential statements that have been.

chele said...

There are no secrets. People tell me things and I usually share it with my baby sister. I don't tell anything about myself that I don't want repeated because I know both my sisters tell their husbands EVERYTHING. The workplace is such a volatile environment to begin with that if anyone ever told me anything I would never repeat it ... I need my job!

Brownsoul said...

"if you are going to talk about someone you might as well talk to the person you are having the problem with."

You said it right, Rose! This is a policy that I try my best to keep, especially with my friends. The whole gossip drama thing is really tired. I would rather confront the person who's causing me so much mental anguish or make up my mind to let it go!

If I really want something to be secret, then I tell no one. If there is something I want to share, but with only a few people. Then I tell my sisters. We don't gossip about each other's business.

Michelle said...

I believe on a personal level some things can be held in confidence, but you have to know and really trust the person you're telling a secret too.

When it comes to the workplace, I think everything is fair game. Folks are always looking out for themselves, so if they can cut down someone else in the process --they are okay with that. Also, in the workplace knowledge is considered power -- so when folks think they know something others don't, sometimes they're quick to let that be known. Makes them feel important.

Shawn said...

I think it's a bad idea to share 'secrets' with co-workers - especially if you're really talking poorly about someone else you work with. It never fails; it always gets back or the info spreads the work place.

I agree with everyone that said the best rule of thumb is to never tell anyone anything you don't mind other people knowing. No matter how many times you tell your confidante to "not to tell anybody" you know their gonna share it with someone.

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

In my business, there are edicts that follow with such statements.
Things can be kept confidential as long as you are not going to hurt yourself or someone else.
In my personal life, I often say the same thing.

~Deb

Ruben said...

I learned not to say anything that I didn't want to be repeated early in life.

DCS said...

I take confidentiality very seriously because the work I do dictates that. Like Dr. Deb, I do the same in my personal life. Ironically, the field I work in is notorious for perpetuating gossip.

When you're talking about the real world, I must agree with Shirazi, Ruben and Shawn.

defiant goddess said...

I'm getting two different things from your post. To me, there's a difference between a secret and gossip. What you're describing between co-workers sounds like gossip to me. I don't participate in gossip. I don't initiate it and I don't listen to it, so I don't get caught up in those kinds of problems. But to me, a secret is someone entrusting confidence in you. I've never broken someone's confidence. If I thought they were in trouble, I would encourage them to take the proper steps and offer to be there for them as they do.

No_the_game said...

Hello Lady Rose,

I missed you. I have been busy with work. But I have decided to post every other week. That will give chance ppl to read and comment.

Anyways, I love this post. I love the policy you set forward: "if you are going to talk about someone you might as well talk to the person you are having the problem with."

I always follow that. Most of the time I keep it myself. :)

NotheGAME

It's Me...who else, eh? said...

One thing I'd learned about secrets--- if you don't want anyone to know something, keep it to yourself.

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

To answer your question, I’d say that it depends on who you tell. I’ve always been known amongst my circle of friends and family to be the one can really keep a secret. If they tell me not to tell anyone, I don’t and I’ve proven this over and over again, so people know now that they can trust me.

Having that said, I’d say that if you REALLY want to keep a secret, keep it to yourself!

Clay said...

some things are defintely secrets ... but some thing i will let it out to ONE other person, which is my bestfriend too

ProfessorGQ said...

It's simple...when people say "don't tell nobody"...that information should not be shared.

Soulace said...

and while you're at keeping secrets to yourself, find solace (soulace).

Stacy-Deanne said...

Rose, a secret is always a secret if the person is telling ME. Now I don't know about other people but I am very trustworthy. Now, the only time I would tell a secret is if it could hurt someone. If someone told me they were committing suicide or something, I'd have to tell someone. Especially if this was someone I cared about. Secrets just don't matter then. Also, if I knew someone else was hurting a loved one of mine by going behind their back and begging me to keep it a secret, I would tell. Why? Because it's harmful and with me my family comes first. You hurt them then you hurt me. But I wouldn't tell anything else. That's why people always ran to me in high school. They knew they could trust me and I also give good advice without being judgmental. I got so many secrets stored up in me I could write a hundred diaries. LOL!

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