Tuesday, January 31, 2006
What's in a little lie?
Are all lies harmful? Have you ever told a lie about something to stay out of trouble? Have you ever told a little white lie? I have when I was younger, I am sure. First when I was a child I am sure that I told a lie to stay out of trouble because my fathers' belt was powerful and I didn't want the wrath of being struck by it. My father would beat you if you even formed your lips to lie. He always said he couldn't stand a liar. His thinking was this: if you lie, you have to keep telling them to cover over the first lie and on and on. He also felt that if you lie, you will just as quick, kill to cover that lie. So I tried my darnest to stay on his good side. I couldn't handle that thick black leather belt. As a child I found myself being so truthful that sometimes I was left out of activities because my siblings thought I would tell everything that happened and I would have.
But as an adult, I lie only when my husband ask have I been shopping and I say no when I know that my trunk is packed with clothing and shoes. For the moment, I don't want to hear my husband's speech about we will never have anything because I spend too much on nothing. He has been saying this for twenty years. So rather than hear that I am destroying our finances I hide my new purchases until I can get them in the house. I know this is dishonest but I work too and if his facts are straight about me causing our financial downfall for spending too much money, we would be homeless by now. But I always admit my shopping sprees by the next evening or so. I even said don't ask me that question because you know what I am going to say. I am working hard to change this habit-but you know that old habits die hard.
One other lie I told was to save a co-workers' job. It happened about 5 years ago. I coworker who was making a six figured salary did something stupid on the job. As a manager she said some downright ugly things about two of the staff workers and someone heard it and ran and told. Problem was she didn't mean it. She was so upset that day because she lost an uncle whom she was very close to and I knew this. So I wrote off what she said and reminded her that as a manager she shouldn't speak like that about workers. She agreed. But the person who heard the early remarks didn't stay around to hear the rest of the conversation before they ran off to start up a bunch of mess. So we ended up in many meeting trying to stop the company from terminating her. When they asked if I heard the offending remarks I said no. I just couldn't allow the trouble maker to win. After all she hated the manager and everyone on staff knew it. Think about it. Five years ago it was hard to find a six figure job, heck it's hard to find one now. So I didn't want her family to suffer because she said something when she was down in the dumps and depressed. Besides she was a very nice person who in the right state of mind wouldn't have said what she said. Why allow three small children to suffer if their mom who was not married lost their only income? They would have even lost their home. So I did what I thought was right at that time. I prayed hard for forgiveness for that one. She did go to the two ladies and apologize if she said something to hurt them and said she was truly sorry. So did my lie hurt those involved? No it strengthened all those relationships involved except the person who ran back and caused the confusion in the first place. Now truth be told, I am not a liar. I just tell one white lie about shopping. I admit that. I am not a bad person, with my husband I was diffusing a problem. Everyone who knows me understand that I am a shopoholic. As far as the lie about my coworker, I was saving a family but I prayed about it and asked for forgiveness. We should not lie, I know this but this doesn't stop folks from lying.
What's your take on lying? Are any lies good ones?