Tuesday, January 02, 2007
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone. -- Bill Cosby
When Bill made this quote I didn’t understand it until I found myself so wrapped up into everybody’s situation that I begin to lose sight of myself and my dreams. Now I understand it. You see you can’t please people all the time. No matter what you do, for some it may be enough but for most, it isn’t. So what happens is this: people keep coming back for more and if you keep trying to help you are giving yourself to someone else’s dream while allowing yours to fall apart. So now that I know better I can do better for myself.
The other thing is that no matter how small a child is they have a memory like an elephant and when they are hurt, they remember that pain. They remember it so much that it can affect their future. My nephew shared that he heard the negative words being said about him when he was 3 & 4. His mother did not raise him. My mother did. My sister was experimenting with drugs when he was a baby. She has been clean 10 years, but he said he remembers folks calling him a crack baby. “He gon’ be like his momma."
He grew up very angry but he kept it inside. So the honor roll student from elementary to 8th grade, beginning to fail in 9th grade. I intervened but he would get all these A’s and B’s and when I took a step back his grades dropped again to D’s and F’s. Finally he started skipping school. We did everything, counseling, talking to teachers and principles, the pastor, males in our family stepped to the plate but he just don’t seem to want anything. This bothered me and affected me. Heck, I help everybody’s family members and have enrolled other teens back into school, and given out all kinds of services and resources to get people back on track. Not being able to help my own nephew really affected me. I let it wear me down.
Did folks say he was a crack baby? Yes but he was around two or three and he was going through what I think was bulimia. He would eat so much and sneak food and then violently throw up because he had eaten so much. I recall my sisters and me and maybe even my mom wondering out loud if that was the effect of drugs. We took him to the doctor and they even said the same thing. That if she was using drugs while carrying him we would never know the effects.
Though he is not into anything negative, he is not in school. He said he is going to get his GED next month. But it’s up to him. He will turn 17 on my birthday, Jan. 13. He’s old enough to understand that without education, he is going to struggle.
So that saying- sticking and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me. It is a rhyme that as children we sang but it is not true- words hurt and can damage little souls….
So my lesson- If you don't have anything positive to say about a person-"SHUT UP".