Monday, September 04, 2006

I yam what I yam !



I am not a hard person to figure out. Like Pop Eye the Sailor Man says, "I yam what I yam" and the only thing that I would change about me is my weight. Other than that, I believe that I am a pretty good person. There are three things about my personality that I probably should change but if I did, it would change me.

1. I am sometimes too nice.

2. I don't like to hurt others' feelings.

3. I can't hold my feelings back: It is difficult for me to hold my feelings back, I feel like I am suffocating if I keep my feelings in when I think I have something important to say.

There is one thing that bothers me terribly.

1. The unconcerned attitude of some of my siblings.

My parents are my heart and soul. I love them wholehearted. My dad was an excellent provider. But he is from the era when companies for uneducated workers provided mediocre retirement benefits. As children & teens my siblings and I never wanted for anything. We had the clothes, cars and a mother who participated in all of our school activities, while dad worked two jobs.

My 73 year old dad retired and lived well from savings, and a lump size retirement plan. He retired at 65. So for eight years, dad lived well, never needing anything.

My parents are best friends, divorcing after 33 years, a divorce that should have never happened, but that's a long story. But they help each other financially and emotionally. People think they are still married. They just live in two different houses.

Occasionally dad needs help because prior to retirement, he bought a large beautiful home. To me, not a good decision, but he was grown. Eight years after retirement, dad struggles occasionally with very high utility bills, car repairs and the high cost of medicine. He was very healthy when he retired so he didn't anticipate having to purchase expensive medicine.

I help all the time, gladly. After all he's my dad. He did so much for me. I will proudly help him and my mom with anything even if it is just something they want and not need. But my sisters are different. Lately my brother if I call him will immediately wire money. The sisters rarely help. They believe that I should do everything because in their minds I have the most money. But I don't go to Hilton Head Island to romp on the beach 3 times a year, or eat out at fancy restaurants with my friends daily. I don't travel on a regular basis for entertainment; I do it for work but not pleasure. I probably should but honestly since 911, I don't like being in the air. I certainly don't spend my hard earned dollars on too much designer this and designer that. I am a smart consumer. But my parents come before my pleasure. If they need something, I am going to do my best to help. They did it for me, and I don't mind sacrificing for them.

How can a child know that their parents need something and get on a plane and fly to a pleasure activity, have a grand' old time and not be concern about their father?

What happened to the kids who would do anything to help their parents?



33 comments:

Leon said...

They grew up and became parents themselves. Glad to hear your parents' divorce wasn't a bitter one.

Luke Cage said...

A bitter sweet post miss Rose. My mom passed over 16 years ago, a number I still have difficulty adjusting to because I can't believe it's that long. And my father and I have a somewhat lukewarm relationship, and while turbulent and shaky from time to time, if it came down to it, his health before anything else.

It's a no brainer, at least to me. Great story about the divorce of your parents not separating them into bitter rivals. That's rare. Divorce usually means foes-for-life and I've always wondered why must it be that way. Happy Holiday miss Rose!

Deb S. said...

Sadly, I think it's reflective of our culture. I am fortuante enough to have a grandmother still living. My uncle, the surviving child, shows no interest in my grandmother - except for money in her insurance policies. My grandmother seldom hears from him. Needless to say, she is hurt. He used to be a doting son.

As for your parents, I understand. Continue to do whatever you can - and want - to do for them. God will continue to bless you for it.

As for your siblings, you can't change them. They are grown. If you don't let it go, you'll just frustrate yourself, possibly making yourself miserable - while your siblings go about their business taking care of self first.

Their apparent lack of caring will catch up with them. It's not up to you to admonish them or agonize over the situation. God will take care of it.

When the Almighty said "honor thy father and thy mother," it was a commandment, not a suggestion.

I'm sure your parents are very proud of the kind, faithful woman you have become!

The Gig said...

Rose, you sound like an idea child. God will bless you for loving your parents like you do. I'm sure, however, being a parent of grown children myself that your parents would not like for you to sacrifice your whole life and deny yourself because of them. I'm not saying this in a negative or selfish way, but I have a son who I believe is sacrificing his life because of me and I keep telling him to live his life. I would feel terrible if he passed up something good for himself because of me. You see, Rose, that's where the Lord comes in. You must always go out on faith. Always put your parents in God's hands, believe in him and leave them there. I'm not saying to ignore their needs or become selfish, I'm just saying that you can continue to care for your parents as you do, but also, you must care for yourself. God Bless

BostonPobble said...

As you ~ and anyone else who reads my blog ~ know, my relationship with my mom isn't as good as it might be. It is what it is. That being said, if there is ever anything she needs, I will do whatever I have to in order to see that she needs it. She's my *mother* afterall. I'm right there with you ~ I don't get it either.

for_the_lonely said...

Rose,
You and I sounds like two peas in a pod. I, too, would give my last penny to anyone if they needed it more than me. It seems to me that you are a wonderful daughter and mother! :)

Hugs to you,
Sarah

GermanChocolateGirl said...

You are definitely a wonderful daughter and human being. I'm at my mom's house right now dealing with issues and older brothers depending on me to take care of everything. Reading your blog makes me feel better.

chele said...

Good topic.

You grew up with great parents and the way that you choose to help them is admirable.

Miz JJ said...

Why do your sisters think you have all this loot? Maybe if you talk to them about everybody contributing what they can monthly it will make you feel less like a walking cheque book.

Cami said...

I think those kids still exist, but aren't either unselfish/mature/wise enough to make the decision to do what they know is right for their parents, who would have done anything for them. I read a story on it recently, where folks are buying houses now with an extra bedroom or wing for when mom and dad get older and need a place to live. I think the idea of watching your parents/grandparents unable to do the things they normally could is scary. But that doesnt mean they should have to grow old alone or without assistance.

Brownsoul said...

I don't have a desire to be rich...just comfortable, but part of the reason why I am concerned about a more comfortable salary is because I want to be able to help my parents if/when they need it. Lord knows they done so much for me.

Don't change anything of those things about you, Rose. They are all what makes you the beautiful person you are.

Kayla said...

It's plain ole selfishness, Rose. That's all that is. They don't care about anyone but themselves. Rest assured though, if anything would happen to your father, they would be the first to "cry a river." It would be out of guilt, knowing they didn't do as much as they should have for him. I've seen it first hand.

I don't want you to worry yourself too much about their lack of concern, because it's not going to make a difference with your sisters. Hopefully they will come around. Until then, just do the best you can for him, while not giving up too much of you and yours in the process. If you know what I mean. I'm sure your father is more than greatful and appreciated for the help you give.

urban butterfly said...

I can relate to this.

One thing I'm learning with my family is not to worry so much and pray for them. Prayer changes everything, and I believe this wholeheartedly. I realized I wasn't praying for my family enough. That's something I plan to change, starting tonight.

Rhonda said...

I hope and pray that when my parents come to need me that I am able to help them! I do ok for myslef but raising 3 kids alone isnt an easy task. I would never put myself before my parents. I mean I am here and doing what I do mainly because of them - right??

I am sorry your sisters act that way but before they know it they will have to deal with something none of us could have ever imagined and that is the only in GOD's hands.

I think you need to pray for them! =)

Rose said...

You are right Leon, it's a blessing that they are still great friends.

Rose said...

Luke, sorry to hear about your mom. That's why I try so hard because I know they won't be here forever, and if I outlive them I want to know that I did my best for them as they did for me.

Rose said...

Deb I know what you mean about the insurance policies. So many people have told me that that's all their siblings worry about. Thankfully my sisters never really discuss that. They just believe in that self preservation stuff.

Rose said...

the gig:
you are right about my parents not wanting me to worry. But I do it anyway. I know I need to have more faith, mom told me that too. Pray for me that I will have more faith and trust that God will continue to bless my dad as he always has. Thanks

Rose said...

bostonpobble: I understand as a regular reader of your blog, but at least you are still there and still care enough to help. That's great!

Rose said...

for the lonely: you are right- I was taught it is more important to give than to receive. I have so much to be thankful for.

Rose said...

germanchocolategirl: I know the expectations about being the so called one to do everything. We'll have to force others to help.

Rose said...

Chele:
Thanks Chele.

Rose said...

Miz jj:
I'm not sure why they think that..but they do. I talked to them about that too but I ended up being the only one doing that too.

Rose said...

Cami:
Actually I told one of my sisters if she didn't begin to help that dad can come stay with her...she got quiet. I don't mind my parents staying with me. 15 years ago they lived with me almost a year due to their house catching on fire. I enjoyed them tremendously. It was funny watching how my dad tried to stay out of my way, but I wouldn't mind them staying with me again.

Rose said...

brownsoul: It is a wonderful thing to be blessed enough to help. But my sisters are blessed too, I just want them to contribute. Its' their parents too.I have a sister who doesn't live too far, she is now beginning to go check on dad more. She said she will go every Sunday. At least she will do that. You don't always have to do financial things, but do errands or something.

Rose said...

Kayla:
Mom and I said the same thing about the falling out crying. I say do what you can while your parents are living then you can at least be at peace with yourself.

Rose said...

Urban Butterfly:
You are right! I am praying more..

Rose said...

I am praying for them. I know they love their parents, I just believe thry rather leave everything on me. Hopefully they will grow up even though they should be since they are married with a child or two of their own.

Stephen Bess said...

I really wish that I could help my mother more. I think that I will in time. Great post. Thanks for this.

TTD said...

i am the same way w/ my mom & grandmom.. if they need or want.. and i have it.. they have it...

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

Wow. How amazing that your parents divorces after so many years.

I'm like you in many respects too.

And I think you are a wonderful daughter, and a wonderful role model for your family.

Rose said...

Stephen:
You are welcome. It is the desire to help that is important.

ttd: It is the best feeling in the world to give of yourself so freely with nothing expected in return.

Dr. Deb:
Thank you for your kind words. But it is with wise words from you and other mentors that inspire me to work from my heart with passion...

obatkanker serviks said...

Teman saya pernah terkena kutil kelamin di sekitar bibir vaginanya, sangat mengerikan. di sekitar vagina tersebut di tumbuhi daging kaya kutil dan itu banyak sekali pokoknya menakutkan sekali. Tapi setelah minum obat Penyakit kutil kelamin wanita dari herbal, dalam waktu 2 hari sudah kering. Mantap banget virus HPV ini sehingga nanti kedepannya khsusunya untuk kaum pria dapat menjaga diri agar terhindar dari penyakit ini obat alternatif herbal paling manjur