Friday, August 11, 2006


Should I or Should I not? That is the Question....

My daughter is leaving for college in eight days. She will attend a college that is more than seven hours or more away by car. We chose this college as a family with her because she wanted to go to Clark Atlanta but we felt that was absolutely too far.

The advantages of her attending this college is:
*her grandmother lives less than 12 miles from the campus
* aunt is the schools' book store manager
* cousin works in the comptroller's
* aunt-in-law works on campus
* another cousin work on campus
* she has a cousin on campus who is a junior and honor student
* More than 50 relatives such as grand aunt, aunties, uncles and more cousins live in the city.

This is one of the reasons that she didn't want to attend this university. Now after our college tour and her auditing a classroom she is excited about attending. I think knowing that she can call on family is confronting not only for her but for us parents as well.

Now after all this what colleges will she attend and finalizing that, the question is, "Can I take my car?"

On one hand, I want her to because she can go to purchase toiletries without worrying others and freely visit her grandmother for Sunday dinners. (Her grandmothers' suggestion)

But I don't want her to be seen as a freshman with a car, and she ends up driving folks around and neglecting her education. We have stressed to her that she can't drive people around because of safety and lawsuit issues. But away from her parents probing eyes, will she do what is right?

Should we or shouldn't we allow her to take her SUV? We are praying to make the right decision.

31 comments:

Shirazi said...

From where i look at the situation, the girl may be better of without the car. Let her rough it out and concentrate more on studies.

chele said...

Wow. When I was a freshman (back in the stone ages) cars were not even permitted.

I think she'd be better off without it. At least for the first semester. Who needs the hassle of gas, maintenance, parking, etc. during your first year of school? If she absolutely can't live without it by Christmas than revisit the issue.

Luke Cage said...

Rose, with all due respect and this is coming from a guy who doesn't have kids, I would say she's going to college now and its time to cut off the umbilical cord so to speak.

I only use these words because they were the same words my mom used when I went off into the Army and I had to be as old as your daughter is now (18) - she told me you're a man now so its time to earn your keep out there in this demanding world. You're a nice guy and people are going to be coming at you left and right attempting to take advantage. It won't be easy and you won't have me to fall back on for answers.

The last part may be different of course (Army/College), but the same basic principals apply. This is the beginning of adulthood right here. This is where she learns to make the tough decisions over the easy ones. Good luck luv!

SmartBlkWoman said...

I would let her have the car. It will be much easier for her to get around and do things that she needs to do for herself. Also a car will save her time over catching the bus and having to ask other people for rides.

You should give her the car.

Berry said...

If she really doesn't need it I say make her wait before you let her take it. I think 3 months, that way she can get acquinted on campus, make friends, get her grades straight, etc. Cars are so expensive these days. She won't have to worry about gas and car repairs (oil changes, etc.) Reading the comments it seems that Chele and I are the same page.

mytruth said...

prayer is key, but I'm sure you raised a strong daughter who will not individuals use her. However, you know how discipline your child is.

Nourah said...

i think u should let her take the car well not now maybe the 2nd semster after everythings settled and stuff

btw, im a freshman too but im still living with my family

all the best to ur daughter =)

princessdominique said...

I think being a freshman is a hard enough job without people seeing her as their mode of transportation. I think at least for the first year she should foot it.

JerseyTjej said...

I agree with hoofing freshman year! It will build character and help her learn to use mass transit, LOL! I'm with chele... freshman were not allowed to have cars, boy are things different!

Brotha Buck said...

Good question. If she's a responsible young lady, I think so. But if not, absolutely no. Take if from experience.

Brownsoul said...

I didn't have a car my freshman or sophomore years of college and it wasn't the end of the world, though I know it would have been easier to get to the store when I needed something. Still, riding the bus didn't kill me.

Maybe one semester without a car will allow her a chance to see people for who they are before she gets a ride and everybody becomes her best friend.

But in all honesty, parents do their best to prepare us for the real world, but at the end of the day we have to make the good decisions without being watched. I have countless times gone against the advice my parents have given. I made the mistakes and learned from them. Not that I didn't know any better, but I chose not to make the best decision. It's all a part of growing up.

LadyLee said...

You know, the problem becomes everybody and their mama asking her for a ride, i.e., she becomes the consumate chauffeur. But on the positive tip, you've got a whole lot of family watching over her... And that's a plus. Do what my moms did to me... Time some craziness goes down, snatch the car...

The Gig said...

Rose, that is a tough call and you are right about the reasons you would not want her to take her car; however, you have made the right decision to pray about it. Hope all works out whatever you decide to do. God bless

The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

WOW....i'm amazed she got a SUV to start off with....but whatever decision is made i'm sure it's the right one....but i know i couldn't have a car when i was a freshman...double check to see if it's okay to do that....(it made no sense to me back then and still doesn't)...does it matter if i'm a freshman or responsible...

Dancewithme2 said...

As long as you make her responsible for her gas costs - she won't drive unless its absolutely necessary. I'm actually surprised that she would have somewhere to park it. Amending the idea of just letting her take it to campus:
I think that she should be able to take her car to her grandmother's house and leave it there. That way she can drive home and drive when its absolutely necessary. She can take the bus that far - right?

crallspace said...

Solution: Make her sell the SUV and get a smaller, economic car. Get her a nice bike that can get her around campus and tell her the importance of not only saving gas, but getting fit, saving the earth, and getting herself ahead of the curve of the soon-to-collapse oil market.

If she can communte by bike around campus and town, she will be worlds ahead of dumb America once we have little or no oil left and/or prices hit over $10 a gallon.

Cami said...

I couldnt bring a car until I was a sophomore. But not having one was quite inconvenient. If she's responsible, she'll use her driving priveleges wisely. Just remind her to be careful parking, because I ran into plenty of trouble not paying attention to those no parking signs on campus. :)

Honey-Libra said...

You know your daughter best and if you know she is the type that will get pulled in being people's go to girl for rides then try to convince her to wait but if you know that she will be able to tell people no, having a car helps tremendously...whether it be with a job, buying lil ends and outs, visiting family or going to various other things....then again she's have more to worry about as chele stated.

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

I think she should have the car as a trial experience and see how the semester goes. If it is too chaotic, if she's spending too much time as a chauffeur, etc, then you can decide otherwise.

My two cents....

Kayla said...

I'm not sure about this one. I didn't know freshmen were permitted to drive vehichles. Did they change that? If you think she is mature enough to handle situations of not letting just anyone ride with her and not letting people take advantage of her, then let her take it. I don't see that as you not wanting to let go, but as genuine concern as to whether or not she'll be able to handle this.

Since she has so much family in the city, though, it shouldn't be a problem for her to get around if she needs to go somewhere. And I'm sure there is public transportation there as well. I'm leaning more towards not letting her take it. Her focus should be on school right now and how to adjust to college life, and having access to a vehicle leaves possibilities for other activities to interfere with that.

Berry said...

Hey Rose...posted a link to the song you commented on as well as a bonus track that I think you might enjoy. Hope things are back to "normal" in the Lou.

Rose said...

Thank you everyone for your responses. We are leaving to take her to school on Friday, still we have not decided. When I attended college it wasn't even a question about cars on campus because freshmen could not bring them period. Now times have changed and freshmen students across America are taking their cars. Not only that her dorm has a huge parking lot for the student’s cars. The town she is going to is very small. She will not have to cross or drive major highways unless she drives 60 miles away. If she left the campus and did that I would be very angry.

My husband gave her the SUV at the end of her senior year (in May) to drive to her practicum site. She has proven to be really responsible so he let her have it. I have asked my husband to trade it in for a small car-like a Ford focus or something. It is pretty big for such a petite girl, and the gas to feed this v-8 engine is more than 50 dollars per week since the increase in gas. So I have talked to her many times about not abusing her transportation if we allow her to take it as we would definitely have her gas usage controlled and if abused take it and park it.

Thank you for responding I am sure that with prayer we will make the right decision.

ILLstate said...

first of all congratulations. my daughter is going to siue 3 hours from home and i be damned if i let her take the car simply because she would try to come home at the first sign of home sickness.

sodijety said...

You are lucky she agreed to go to a school close. When I got to go, I went as far away as possible as I could from anyone I had ever known. Considering the island is only 100km from point to point, that's not that far. So if I were you, NO CAR, besides she would feel so much better when she earns it herself. Her grandma can pick her up on sundays.

Miz JJ said...

She's grown now. You can't baby her forever. It's time for her to make her own decisions and mistakes. It's time to see if all the values you instilled in her will stick. You can always take it away second semester if you feel like it is a distraction.

Deb S. said...

I trust that Miss Freshman's parents will make the right decision, whatever it is.

bunny said...

Leave the car at home for the first year. She can get toiletries and such on campus can't she? Or I'm sure her cousin that is a junior there can take her off campus too. Freshman year is really hard enough without the added "bonus" of having a vehicle.

I was a Sophmore with a car and folks used me for my car. I gave out rides and let folks borrow my car as well. Too young and stupid to know any better and I thought I was intelligent and responsible at the time.

My neighbors daughter had a car when she went away to school for the first time but she had to keep it at her uncles house, about 10 minutes away from campus and she was only allowed to have it on the weekends. That worked out well for them. So you could try that too, leave it at grandma's during the week.

Good luck with your decision.

GrizzBabe said...

I agree with Luke Cage. It's time give her the opportunity to make adult decisions. This is my first time visiting your blog but I can tell that you and your husband have raised a responsible daughter. As a parent, it is so hard to let go, especially when there is the possibility of them making a bad decision. But allowing them to make their own mistakes can be very educational. Good luck!

Elizabeth said...

Nobody except someone who lives in some type of arctic wilderness should drive an SUV; it's irresponsible.

Emma said...

When my daughter went off to college, her father and I didn't allow her to take her car her freshman year. After her freshman year, if she did well, we'd rethink her request to take her car to college. She had an outstanding first year in college (honor student) so we let her take her car her second year. Today, at 38, she has her BS and MS, and is a store manager for Walgreen. I hope this helps.

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