Monday, September 23, 2013

My Thoughts After Reading Reviews on A Sinner's Cry!

I have never responded to a review before and after this I never will again. When I think about churches, I always think about the sick. My mother always told me that churches are like hospitals, people go there to get better. However, if you are not converted, which takes time, as a person you will continue to fail. That is how I see many churches, and this doesn’t have anything to do with race. Many denominations have their own particular set of problems from abuse of children, stealing money to illicit sex in the church. Still there are many churches that don’t have these problems or these types of issues have not surfaced to the congregation as a whole.

I try to write real stories. We are not perfect, only God is. But if people understand they can come to God no matter what they've done in the past without fear of rejection, then I’m doing my job. I get letters from potential church members saying how my book changed their lives by letting them know God forgives all sin. They feel they can walk through the doors of the church and believe God will do as He promised. Some people are offended by the church’s problems and choose to see churches as a place for perfect people. I see it as a place for imperfect people trying to live as God wants us to. I’m not living in a glass house. I know people fail. I know preachers fall. I believe when people fall, they can still be redeemed.

My book, A Sinner’s Cry is about people. Most of the drama happens at church. But a church is not Heaven, and I do not glorify church as such. I don’t glorify church because they are still managed by people. Imperfect people! I glorify God. I don’t follow men. I follow God. Even if there is sin in a church, you cannot run from it because wherever you chose to move your membership to, you may find sin there also.

When I read I have descriptive sex in my book, I smile because I know I had to do a good job writing this book. This is because the book is a little raunchy, but the scenes are not descriptive. Maybe it’s me, and the kinds of books I read but this isn’t very descriptive, play by play to me. I am providing an example of the two scenes and also an article written by my former publicist. The link for the article is below.  Here are two examples:
Example 1:

 As I pulled into the driveway, Darren drove up behind me. I parked in the garage and he followed. Before I could get the garage all the way down, he pulled on my clothes and started kissing my neck. He started unbuttoning my blouse and tried to take my skirt off in the garage. I gently pushed him away and ran into the house through the garage door.

Darren kissed me. He acted as if he was starved, like he hadn’t eaten or had sex in weeks. My skirt fell to the floor and I stood there naked. I wanted him as badly as he wanted me. So I unbuttoned his shirt and he helped me to pull it off. It dropped to the floor. He took me right there in the living room, standing up.

He held my face in his hands. “Denise, I love you, girl.”

I didn’t respond because I was thinking of Pastor Davis, not him. I was scared to speak for I may have said something wrong. I prayed and asked God to help me to be a Christian.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”  I kissed his lips. I felt so confused. I loved Darren, but I loved God, too. I didn’t know if I should follow my heart and keep on loving Darren, or follow God and live according to His will? Loving Darren was so easy, but losing my soul was so hard.

 I walked to the bathroom and filled the Jacuzzi. Darren put on his pants and shirt and walked to the car to get out the food he’d picked up for us. He was so aroused that he left the food and took me first.

 As we sat in the Jacuzzi, I lay my head on his shoulder. “I love you so much.”

“I know. It won’t be long. I saw my lawyer today. I wanted to find out what I needed to do. I told you I was going to divorce my wife soon.”

“I hope you don’t feel as if I am making you do that. I will not allow you to blame me.” I lifted my head off his shoulders and looked into his eyes. Lately, I had been feeling weird, being with another woman’s husband. When I found out he was married I stayed because my heart had planted vines in my soul and I had fallen in love. I couldn’t leave. Then I became comfortable. I got used to him and I did not like the idea of being back out in the world unattached.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Us and where we are headed.”

He swiped a strand of my hair behind my ear. “We are headed to the altar; you are going to be my wife.”

He grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. We kissed as his hands slowly moved over my body like an x-ray machine, looking for areas to pinpoint for more observation. I felt his warmth that connected from his body to mine. We became one again, the second time that night.

Example 2:

When Darren arrived I opened the door and let him in. Grabbing me, he kissed me hard and I kissed him back. The guilt was killing me, but not enough to stop me. I needed his arms to hold me and to make me feel safe. We made passionate love on the floor in front of my fireplace. He held and kissed me and I kept my head under his armpits. I felt safe and I didn’t want him to leave. As we lay there, saying nothing, the phone rang and I jumped.

“Why are you so jumpy?” Darren turned his head and watched me.

“Hello?”  There was no sound.

I slammed the phone down. “Darren, please stay tonight, please.”

Jumping up, he knocked over the crystal lamp and it crashed to the floor, but it didn’t break. He grabbed me and looked deep down into my eyes as I looked up to him for comfort. “What’s going on?”

“Someone keeps calling and hanging up. Tonight someone followed me all the way from East St. Louis.”

“You didn’t let them see where you live, did you?”

“No, I drove straight to the police station. That scared them and they kept driving. A police officer escorted me home and waited to ensure that I was okay.”

“That was smart of you.” Kissing me on my forehead, he whispered, “I will not let anyone bother you. But I can’t stay. I have to get home. If Jill becomes suspicious, she will take me to the cleaners. We have to be careful. I already stayed once this week, I can’t do it again so soon.”

“Darren, baby, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I miss you when you are not here and I want you so bad to be here with me all the time. I’m so tired of sharing you. Plus, Darren, what we are doing is wrong. It is against what God requires of us.”

“There you go with that mess again.”

“What do you mean that mess? Don’t you believe in God?”

“Yes, I do, but I don’t think God is sitting around worried about who I am seeing with all the problems in the world. I just think that wouldn’t be His concern. Not who I am sleeping with.”

“I’m not going there with you. You know that if we want to see Heaven there are things we need to do.”

“Yeah, but right now I want you before I leave.”

Picking me up and taking me to the bedroom, he worked me over good before he showered. We lay in bed and talked before he left. I lay in bed thinking that lately we had been spending a lot of time in bed. I wondered if that was all our relationship was about. I was beginning to hate myself. I jumped out of the bed and stared at myself to see if I looked dirty. I wanted to know if my sin was noticeable. I looked at every inch of my body, searching for something to show me that people knew I was sleeping with a married man. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I knew I felt dirty and sinful.

 As tears rolled down my face, Darren exited the bathroom and stood behind me. He was naked. His body was beautiful like a naked god’s—no marks, no fat, no inches of fat over his waistline—just muscle and beauty. He watched me.

“What are you doing, Denise?”  He had a perplexed look on his face. His eyes were looking up and his head was leaning to the side.

I just stared at him through the mirror. I looked for a reflection of something. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was crying and touching my body.

“What is wrong with you? I love you. Stop this now!”

He pulled on his clothes and shoes. Then he checked his phone to see if he had missed any calls. My phone rang again. I didn’t budge; I stood steadfast in the mirror.

Walking behind me, Darren wrapped his arms around my body as if he was trying to shield me from the cold and pain that was so deep in me that if he didn’t spread warmth over me he would lose me. He rocked me as if I was his baby. He kissed me and told me he loved me. I believed him. “I’m gonna take care of you. Don’t you worry a bit, pretty lady?”



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