Sunday, April 19, 2009

Will We Ever Change?

I am not a racist. Never have been and never will be. Plus I am the product of a bi-racial family having a great, great, grandmother who is white and an Indian great, great grandfather. Plus my big mama (she was a tiny woman, size 2) was Indian and white and I loved her dearly. She was 96 when she died and I was 13. So I had many opportunities to sit with big mama. We called her that because she was my great grandmother. Well, to make a long story short, it is difficult to be racist for me, because I would have to hate me and my family and ya'll know that is not going to happen. I also love all people. But for some....interracial couples are going through much hate trying to love each other.

Take for instance this couple who posed in the newspaper last Thursday in a magazine insert here in St. Louis for an article called 7 Best Places to Smooch, people had a fit seeing these two races kissing on the paper. Things like - I hate to see blacks and white kissing, to I will never buy the paper again.

Now I know that people are getting worse or angrier about interracial dating as the trend grows. Current research shows that 7 percent of married couples are interracial and those numbers are growing as the minority groups in this country continue to grow. But this still does not quell the anger that many black women feel about the black men marrying everybody but them.

One mother of three grown children admitted me to me that both of her successful sons who are doctors married white, uneducated women who stay at home while her daughter married a white man. She even said her husband abandoned the entire family saying that she allowed that stuff to happen because she wanted them to go to the best schools and for that they became too good for their own race in their racist attitudes.

The mom said she felt hurt that her sons would marry white, uneducated women who did not understand their race, furthering making her feel that they were being disrespectful and embarrassed about her and their own grandmothers and aunts because apparently they didn't want to marry women who looked like them. But she she said that she does care about her daughters and son-in law. There is a saying that we marry people who mirror our parents.

Well to make a long story short, in my many discussions about this topic, it is commonly believed that:

* Black men with money such as wealthy sports figure, actors, etc., marry women outside of their race because they do not like themselves and they believe that they are finally somebody with a woman of another race on their arm.

*White women only marry black men with major money. Why don't they marry men with regular jobs? This was asked a lot. Go to a party with sports figures and white women are there in droves trying to get a football player, or other sports' figure. Our newspaper reporter reported this as a major observation. He further stated that the beautiful black women were being totally ignored.

* A black man will knock his mama down to get to a white woman.

*When a black man loses his money, he loses his white woman.

* A black man will marry a white porn star just to be with a white woman. Reggie and Kim Kardashian have been and continue to be torn up on radio shows and everywhere else about this. One radio host even said that if there were porn tapes on a black woman he wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole, yet he walks around like he is with Jesus himself smiling like a Cheshire cat because he got Kim. In our community, he is considered worthless even with his 50 million dollars and being so young in his early 20's.

It is commonly believed by many races that the black race is becoming extinct as black women can not keep a race going without a black man to impregnate them and make homes. Though I am not in agreement with this because had it not been for interracial dating in my family I wouldn't be here. However, I do wish that love was colorblind and that everybody would marry for true love. Am I being unrealistic?

The people on the cover are not models they are indeed a couple who are very much in love. Wonder how they felt reading so many hateful comments about them? Most people know that the State of Missouri is super prejudice and is documented as very racist, so I was not surprised about the uproar.


Momma Bear said...

It hurts me to see most of our men with white women and most of our women without anyone. I really don't have anything against interracial dating/marrying; I just wish black women had as much of a chance of getting men no matter what race as women of any other race.

Black men like to talk about black women and their weaves, etc., which also hurts because they have the same kind of hair we have and come from the same kind of blood lines. It is not our fault that we were made with kinky hair and hair that does not grow long. Men who fault black women with wearing weaves need to remember where they came from.

One of my sons is married to a white woman and I love her. She is wonderful woman. I also have two black daughter-in-laws whom I also love and they are also wonderful women. I just wish that men would see the beauty in black women and desire to be with them also.

chele said...

I don't think you are being unrealistic. Love should be color blind and people should be able to be with whomever they want without be ridiculed for it.

BostonPobble said...

I think we're in deep trouble if we keep treating people the way this couple was treated. Society must evolve. My deepest hope is that you are not being unrealistic ~ but you've "known" me long enough to know I'm a cynic's cynic so my deepest fear is that you/we *are* being unrealistic. *sigh*

TJ said...

I feel for the couple in the paper. So many black people carry so much pain with them. Sometimes it makes them show anger and extreme ignorance toward people who choose a mate of a different ethnic background. Sometimes it makes them choose a love interest with the hopes that resulting children will appear less black. It is what it is.

Anonymous said...

Well, dare I comment??

I am a white woman married to a black man. I didn't set out looking for a black man, we met and our love just happened.

I am so grateful that God connected me with the African American community. It has been my black mothers who taught me how to cook, how to stand up for myself, how to parent my children, love my husband, and channel my passion for life.

My first marriage was terrible. He walked all over me. I took all his crap...beatings and cheating and and and...
It was one of my black mothers who taught me how to scare the crap out of that man and how to stick my foot in his butt.

I've heard it said that black men like white women because they are more passive and easier to control. That may have been my first husband's thought.

When I met my current husband I was a changed woman!
There are probably times he wishes I was the stereotyped white girl.. hehehe...I can be a bit overwhelming for him!

He's not rich, but he is a professional, an overall good man. We took some heat in the beginning of our relationship. Some people thought that he could do better than me, etc..I heard a woman say, "why do they always have to get our good ones?"

I was that "uneducated" white girl when we first met. I am so grateful he knew there was more to me than met the eye. As a single parent I was plugging away through school, one or two courses at a time.

He certainly was not looking for a white woman..actually didn't want one at all and was very much against inter-ethnic relationships...God's funny like that!

My son, who is 19 prefers black girls. He said, "I just like the way they look, no offense mom"...hehehe..none taken.

He also said that white girls are too passive and that he likes the way his black girl friends are louder, more expressive, more creative (he's a musical artist) and passionate....he said, "more fun."

Maybe some white women are out to prove something, maybe some black men are out to disprove something...

And maybe people are out to just be loved, enjoy life, and live wholly.

I don't believe in being color blind...I am white, that's how God made me. Just because my skin is white doesn't mean my heart is...

The family I have is black--God has given me mothers and sisters and brothers and cousins and nieces and nephews and so many friends...who are black.

Failing to be blind to their color would make me blind to who they are, who God made them.

I long for a world in which we can be who God intended us to be without apologizing, without self-consiousness, without judgement, without self doubt....and with peace.

Is that too much to ask??

kathi said...

Well, I'm in Dallas and I see many black women with white men.

I'd like to think times have changed. When I was in my early 20's I lived near Miami with a black man for about a year. We had planned on getting married. We had a horrible time with people judging us and showing hostility. It was awful. I come from a racist family in Indiana and when they found out that the man I'd fallen in love with was black, my dad said I'd never be welcomed in his home again. I went home. I couldn't imagine a life without my parents and my sibling. I've dated black men as well as white men since, and I attend The Potter's House in Dallas with T.D. Jakes where I see many mixed couples. Color will never influence my choices again. I've always raised my kids to be color blind, respect isn't dependent on color.

GC (God's Child) said...

ohhhh boy
why do people let other people's joy become pain for them? That is a sign of a lack of self-fulfillment. People have emotional and psychological work to do when they can't see happy people without getting angry.