Monday, April 09, 2007


What a Coward!

A friend is distraught because her husband of 25 years decided to walk away from their marriage without warning or discussion. He was diabolical in the way that he did it. He continued to act the same by giving her attention, spending time with her while all the time planning an escape. Their last night together was spent watching movies and hugged up on the couch. The next morning as she has done for more than 20 plus years, she prepared breakfast and they ate together while chatting about life. They both left for work in separate cars to go to their jobs. They work together on the same base. After trying to reach him by phone for several hours, she called his office and they said he called in sick. She left her job to go home to check on him and found his closet empty. After being gone for three days, he returns, says he loves her but is holding her back and says he is leaving, not for a woman but out of shame, for not handling their finances properly.

Friends have gathered around her to fix the damage on her finances, but can’t fix the hole he left in her heart. Next week is their 25th anniversary. When she should be celebrating she will be surrounded by friends who are trying to hold her up. Only 45 years old she has time to heal and to smile again. But the moral of this story is this: As women we must monitor our finances and know what is happening. You can’t even trust your spouse to assure that things are in control. You must become a partner and do this together or you may find yourself in the same position. When the pain subside, and the dust settles, she will see things much clearer that was always there. A coward runs and hides behind his tail, while a man leaves with dignity and respect and with his house in order.

19 comments:

kathi said...

Wow, you know this hit close to home for me. 22 years married, and I didn't have a clue either. I ran an errand, came home and he was gone. Finances...yup, same way. He'd done them forever, and apparently, not very well. That's the one lesson I've been trying to spread to women. Regardless if your marriage is heaven on earth, be smart. I'm sincerely sorry for your friend. I do understand.

Hassan said...

I just wanted to let you know that I read this post. I have nothing to say at this point, me being 36 and never married.

I'll learn from this post and responses like Kathi's...

TJ said...

Wow. At least she has the support of friends. I'm so sorry to hear about this.

Luke Cage said...

WHAT???? That is some terrible $h#@ for anyone to have to experience. I'm speechless.

Shai said...

I have never been married. Growing up I heard from older women to watch the finances.

It is sad how your friend was treated. Once the dust clears I do believe the signs will be clear. That punk is leaving her with all his mess. That is so cruel.

GeckoGirl said...

I'm so sorry for your friend. You're absolutely right that spouses (cause men get financially shafted too) need to pay attention their finances even if they're not the ones doing the day to day financial management.

Dr. Deb said...

Yes, it is so important for us, as women, to have some financial independence. I had a similar incident happen with a friend and it was astounding. I couldn't believe the behavior of her spouse and the coldness to his every move.

Your friend sounds like she has a wonderful support system in you as well as others. Sending good vibes your way for her.

~Deb

Rosemarie said...

He's a coward because there are resources to get your house in financial order. It's all about him! He's feeling like a failure! It's not a reflection on her or their money issues. His worth is obviously wrapped up in money. Wrong!

Praying for her to overcome these devastating circumstances.

Clare said...

You are absolutely right Rose and I'm glad your friend had some friends round her to help out.

chele said...

That is just terrible. That is one of the reasons why my marriage didn't work. My ex was an idiot when it came to our finances and I refused to allow him to take me into poverty. I don't think I could ever allow anyone to control my money for me. Too much is at stake.

Rosemarie said...

I thought of your friend yesterday while watching Oprah. Doctor Happy and the pursuit of happiness was the segment. Happiness...it's all inside! :) Moreover, they spoke on the power of perception and the law of attraction. Trying checking in out online.

Blessings...

Miz JJ said...

As a single woman approaching 30 I can not imagine not being involved in the finances. I have been involved my entire life I will never just give it up. I feel for your friend, but tell her with hard work anything is possible. My dad did that to my mom and now she owns her own home. It is not as easy, but it can be done.

AsianSmiles said...

sheez. life could get so complicated. the financial damage is secondary (to me), it's the betrayal that kills me. the husband must have planned it way before he left. i wouldn't mind him being a coward as much as i would hate him for being a deceiver.

BostonPobble said...

I have been trying to post on this for a couple of days and still cant' find the words I want (and that are even *remotely* publishable here.) Know your friend is in my thoughts. She's lucky to have you.

Ruben said...

I have some friends fresh from jail that could take care of him for your friend. I'M JUST SAYING. loL

Ingrid said...

I know her pain. My prayers are with her. Tell her it will get better. In the meantime let God work his hand and if the silence gets too loud try a dog.

That sounds like cynical advice, but they don't care when you cry or how hurt you are. People go on with their lives even if they still hold you up in prayer.

God sometimes takes longer than we like to move us from the place of healing to the place of healed. In that in between time my Jazz helped me focus on something other than myself.

Getting over a man who just has done something that foul to your heart is difficult. But God is able and dogs have the ability to make you smile.

Much Love and Prayer

Jdid said...

wow

JerseyTjej said...

Obviously he dosen't feel so bad that he took his share of the respondibility with him! Thank goodness for friends in a time of crisis. I know that it is difficult to see the blessings with the 25th aniversary on the horizon but there must be an answer for her.

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