Sunday, July 09, 2006

Softy at Heart


I must admit that most of the time I am a softy. I cried watching United Negro College Fund and McDonald's commercials. I cried watching movies about families when problems are solved at the end.

I am a democratic supervisor. I want my staff to be happy and to enjoy coming to work. When they are they overproduce and I meet all company's goals and objectives. I help folks who are trying to help themselves. But when I know that someone is trying to use me, I step back and resist any efforts to help them.

I helped raised three of my sister’s kids because she was too ill to raise them. Sending them on trips across the country with churches, and organized groups, helping them with their dreams and doing whatever I could to assure that they knew that with a good education they could be prosperous. Don't get me wrong I know that there are many fields where the pay is lower than expected but I introduced them to highly technical fields like animation, engineering and medicine. I want my nieces and nephews to excel.

I have helped all of my nieces and nephews financially, and I have six nieces and seven nephews. I have helped pay mortgages, down payments on homes, college tuition and books and bought two used cars. I am not rich. My husband and I are hard working people, with one child. We have received so many blessings from God. I thank him dearly. I am not bragging. I love teens and support organizations that help them.

Why am I venting? My feelings are hurt. My relatives are here from out of town and one spent the night with my sister. My sister shared with her that I am all about me. That I only think of and want the best for my child and that I have helped one sisters' children more than hers. She even said that I think I am better than others. That pissed me off. Her child was the one that I paid partial tuition, books and bought her a car and even though she paid me back for the car it took a long time and we never pressured her. I have also helped her son with many of his issues when my sister called me. I did this because I truly love my family and thought we all loved each other. My sister has always supported me at least I thought she did.

Now the cousin who talked to me is not a trouble maker, she was concerned and wanted to know what broke down our relationship. This cousin is very young and has cancer. I had to explain to her that my sister and I are not at odds with each other in any way. We talk daily. She even handles some of my media and publicity. I will never mention what she told me to my sister. I know my sister said it. I expect others to disappoint me but not my family. This truly hurt. But I know that this too will pass.

25 comments:

brooklyn babe said...

I see it differently.
I see family as the closest thang that CAN hurt you, because your cut of the same gene cloth.
Its funny... the way ppl look at things.
Here you may be happy to share your success and triumphs with someone who you deem fitting, and they see it as totally the opposite, or ONLY see your success, but not your trangressions.
All you can do, is love them anyways, and pray for their success.
And when they have triumphs to cheer.... THROW A PARTY!!!
You can choose your friends, but not your family.
Love them anyways.
I think I was more speaking to myself here... I feel better now!
Lol, Lata

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you have to go through that with your family. I don't know what to say though because my own has always been divisive, selfish and unappreciative of what my mom sacrificed so they all could have more in life. I see people with close families and wonder what that must feel like to be able to depend on relatives when times get rough. If I had an aunt like you no telling how far I could have gone.

-B

BostonPobble said...

Oh Rose ~ I'm so sorry you are hurting like this.

Deb S. said...

I am sorry that you are hurting. A very close friend, when I shared some information about my own family, told me that most people go through family hurts in one way or another - that it's a fact of life. My friend, whom you know very well, was right. Brooklyn Babe is right on target, too.

Of course, it hurts. I'm glad you're venting and not holding it in.

In the end, family members will do what they want to do. It's up to us individually to cope with it.

The only person guaranteed not to hurt us or betray us is God.

~^^~Elsie~^^~ said...

Rose - I'm sorry that you're goign thru this but i know how you feel and that pain is DEEP. They must not be perceiving what you're doing in the same way and just leaning on their own understanding. My family does this @ tiems since I am so involved in the helping kids in teh community; at times, htey think i don't care about my own nieces/nephews. this is not true - I love all God's children!

God's watching you girl and He'll continue to bless you for your awesome efforts. I will say a prayer that God will show them what a wonderful heart you have.

chele said...

I know exactly where you are coming from. I agree with brooklyn babe -- it's always the family that can hurt you. If it was anyone else it may not bother you as much but when it comes from family ...

I don't know where this comes from. Maybe it's just jealousy or resentment that they aren't able to do the things you do. Maybe it's embarrassment because they need your assistance. Who knows? Don't let it deter you from doing what you know is the right thing.

Shawn said...

That is troubling to hear but not surprising. Family tends to have the lowest opinions of loved ones. Thankfully she didn't go out of her way to make it known that she feels slighted by you in some regard. It's sad that after all you've done for her family that she still found fault with the amount you gave when in reality she shoulda been focused on why she couldn't do whatever for her own kids. She should be nothing but joyous that you stepped in to offer support.

I hope she gets her act together and learns how to really appreciate what you given in love.

Elizabeth said...

Rose, I disagree with your statement:

"Now the cousin who talked to me is not a trouble maker"

Anyone who repeats gossip is a troublemaker. Furthermore, your sister probably shared her feelings with the cousin in confidence...your cousin is not only a troublemaker, she's someone who violates other peoples' trust...

The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

sometimes it's the worst ones that hurt u the most...meaning family...but don't worry 'bout..."BRUSH YOUR SHOULDER'S OFF"..."KEEP IT PIMPIN"...you'll be okay

nosthegametoo said...

I had a stomach-ache when I read this, because I can identify with every single one of these feelings you’ve written. You really touched me with this post. I couldn't identify with it more.

My mother is in the EXACT same position as you are in at the moment. Seems like very similar circumstances as well.

It’s unbelievable that after a life-time of helping not only your own children, but someone else’s, family members can actually be ungrateful because you didn't give MORE.

All the love in the world to you. I wish I could give you a hug.

Peace and Love. You deserve them both, not only in life, but with your family as well.

Georgiapeach said...

As a sister. I can definitely say, that we do a lot of foolish and unnecessary things to each other. I have too said some hurtful things about my sister. One of the sweetest people in the world! I wrote something on my blog about her not having the funds to help out on the bills and at the time, my sister was going through something and that really hurt her. I also told one of her friends that (in confidence) and she was mad about that too. I felt like a total ass after doing that. My sister has always been there for me, through everything. Has given me twice as much as I have given her! It took seeing the pain in her eyes for me to realize that and I learned not to say things and to think things through before I open my big tactless mouth.

I am so sorry your sister said that nonsense. Before I say this, I say this a sister okay. Maybe your sister is depressed about something. You know misery loves company. The only time I talk mess about my family is when things aren't going right in my life and I am really down and blue and want to lash out at someone. Not to mention, when i am going through times like that, I am typically being real selfish. only thinking about myself and my problems. Pissed off that someone has more than me, or someone isn't doing enough for me. You know? Don't be mad at your sister. Trust that there are deeper issues going on in her life and that is where that particular conversation stemmed from. Maybe your cousin mentioned something,and then your sister was like "Well you know Rose..." and so on. I hope you feel better Rose. Please forgive your sister. She knows not what she does. :)
Some times (is she is the baby), we talk out of our ass.

Dee said...

I will never ever understand why family hurts us the MOST!!!!

Keep your head up lady......maybe she's a little jealous......who knows!!!! Just continue being you!!!!!

~~~HUGS~~~~

Shirazi said...

I agree with DCS. But I wonder why we keep calling family. May be this fundamental institution has already disintegrated. No?

MsPlacedAmbition said...

im sorry that u had this experience. ur sister is prob going thru sumthing right now that she cannot verbalize to u. she is, after all, human.

MsPlacedAmbition said...

addendum ...

check in w/her and make sure she is really okay. family loves, but family also hurts.

Stephen Bess said...

Family can be a trip! I seen times...many times when my friends are more helpful and supportive than family. I think that family members don't often get to really know their relatives and just remain cordial from a distance. The problem is that they still have an opinion of you despite the fact that they really don't know you.

Jaimie said...

thank you for your kind words and support. I started my blog again. Again, thank you!

Nella said...

I am sorry to here all this, seems like me and you are going through the same thing right now, and it does hurt and you wonder why its happening to you when you are a good person and you have done nothing but help, but all and all, you'll never know why it is happening to you.

Miz JJ said...

You can't please all the people all the time. You could give your sister a pint of blood and she could still have a reason to complain. Don't listen just do what feels right. Even if she doesn't appreciate just know that those kids are benefiting from your extreme generosity.

Jdid said...

thats cold. family can really hurt you

Luke Cage said...

Sorry to hear that luv. But your last line of your post left a great glimmer of hope. Feed off of that, and tomorrow will be another day. Be well..

Clare said...

Sorry to hear about what your sister said Rose. I hope you are doing better now as you sound like you have a very close family.

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

I am a softy too!

Kayla said...

Lady Rose, we never think it, but I have learned the hard way, family will hurt you quicker than anyone else. Why? You don't expect them to, because, after all they are family and they are supposed to love and support you. It's a shame your sister isn't greatful of the love and support you've given over the years. You've givem more than you've had too, but it seems like she feels you should have done more, and that is wrong as well as sad. I know that hurt..I've been there and done that a few times...I wish you enough..

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