Today I received this quote and it was very timely. I realize that I truly can not allow others to dictate my feelings or my day. We are all in control of our destiny and it is how we decide to live that will dictate who we are and what we do. So enough of that but here's the quote....
The greater part of our happiness depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.

-Martha Washington

So as long as I give off positive vibes and energy I will feel inspired....

I am writing a new book and it is quite interesting...but my daughter read one chapter of my released novel "Backroom Confessions" and she admitted she couldn't read her mothers' work..."Yuck," she said. "How could you write a nasty book?" But truth be told I am talking about real life things and isn't sex a natural part of that. But your own children think that their parents don't do it. Wait until they grow up! My daughter also asked me to write a thug book-since they are so popular and I am and finding it very easy to write. Another name for thug book is “Urban Lit”. I guess working as a social worker for so many years and having to work directly with clients' particular problems has prepared me for that kind of writing. I have to occasionally ask my daughter and nephew how to spelled something with that Ebonics slang. My nephew and my niece told me last night that they were going to revoke my ghetto card. (LOL) But seriously as I write I think I become a different person, or I pass out because sometimes when I read my stuff back to me-I can't believe that I wrote it. Well this book-I'll tell you the name later, is deep. So right now I am writing in these genre-contemporary children, adult fiction and urban literature and I am excited. I feel much better today since I have written some today. I am also preparing for almost 10 book signings in the local area. Wish me luck and have a peaceful blessed day finding your love and spirit.

Okay this is getting serious. I am spending a lot of time on my new habit blogging even though I must get back to work on my writing. I am going through self doubt now because whenever I get exhausted I become to overwhelmed to write. Take for instance, I am now getting short with people. They are asking me so many irritating questions and I want them to shut the hell up. Okay see what I mean, sister girl needs prayer. Help a sister out, if you go to church this weekend drop my name in the prayer box...I know that both you and I will be blessed. That little situation I told you about, girl its' getting worse, but I ain't complaining and I ain't in no pain. It is really quite funny to see a grown woman walking around acting like she is the Big Bi-Bi.....who wants that title. See that's why I am smiling because I want to be a successful writer with something powerful to say, I want to help teens find their dreams along the way, but to be a b......is not my goal, not today or any other day..... okay, let's get serious...hug a young child today....lesson for today-dream and think big, never let anyone hold you back....

I have a personal goal and that is to treat others the way you want to be treated. However, I find that sometimes this doesn't work especially if the person who bugs you the most enjoys being a pest because she believes that makes her look good. I know a person that should be slapped hard across the face because she is the most unpleasant person I know. No one likes her. But she thinks this is cute. I keep trying to give her professional courtesy, because that's just who I am. I often think that she suffers from a lack of self-esteem, have problems at home and is not happy. She spends her time trying to make others' lives miserable because she seems so miserable and sad. I try to deal with her negative attitude but she thinks that makes a person weak. I don't let her bother me much but it is hard to ignore her and yet I have found myself wanting to knock the crap out of her. So I gathered my things whenever she is around and disappears. The sad part of this is she thinks that it is her choice that no one hangs anywhere near her for more than a minute. Thinking about it maybe she is right. You get what you put out. On a good note, my book Backroom Confessions is doing well in Augusta, Georgia. So that lifts my spirits. So the lesson I learned today, when you put out positive energy you get a positive return like more book sales or more warm fuzzies (good feelings) but when you seek to make others miserable, you sink lower in your own life....

Misery loves company is what I'm told
A pain in the ass, why be so cold.
Your actions are not cute, only bold,
I pray for the release of the devil from your soul.....

Now I feel much better (LOL)

1,2, 3, breathe, relax and relate. That's how I felt today. I had to breathe and relax today before I exhaled as Ms. Terry McMillan would say and hurt somebody. I am juggling many projects and wondering how in the heck I am handling them all. I am writing a curriculum for a company in Milwaukee on violent crime as well as completing reports and working on two novels. I know I am taking on too much but I can't seem to stop. See when I stop my body goes into a sleep mode. Let me explain. As long as I am working I do not get tired but once I stop to relax, I fall asleep. We went to Arkansas, Pine Bluff to visit my husband's family. The whole trip I was so relaxed that I slept it away. Everytime I was too still I felt my daughter shaking me awake. I know I need rest but heck, you can't make progress or money asleep right. That brings me to a question that was posed to me today......and the winner is.........what do you think about the Terry McMillan saga? Well it's like this.....that brother was straight up wrong...he is an ultimate....as my mother would say-a dirt dobbler. That's low...right...See I see things like this when women fall in love they fall hard...true there could have been signs that he was gay, but when you are in love you will overlook those small things. This guy was deceitful...unable to be truthful to himself so how could he be real with Terry. We don't know the facts..but I saw an interview with her on the Today's Show with Katie and she was so hurt and angry..I would be too. IF he is indeed gay think of the diseases he could have given her, Aids, HIV, other communicable diseases. He couldn't love her to put her possibly at death door. Do I think she deserves this for dating a young guy...Hell No! If this thing was turned around men would be giving each other much dap...Would I date a young man?...I don't think so...but someone maybe 10-12 years younger maybe...15 to 20 years younger....no....too many decades between that. Not enough knowledge...I need a man who understands women, their bodies and how to make love to a women's mind, not her body....What would I do if I saw Terry?...I wouldn't say anything-just ask for a hug. Should a man who is twenty know if he is gay or not?...trust me-they know. They are being selfish and untrue to themselves..Today's lesson is investigate all new relationships with men...if you have to pay an investigator $400.00 to check out someone, it is worth the money to save your life....Terry is one of my favorite authors and as a sister it is an important that we support each other. Until we support each other-many of us women will continue to hurt..and some of these men will continue to dog us out...Yeah! That's my story and I am sticking to it...

This has been an incredible hard day. You always hear that people want to work and that the jobs are not there. I think a better thing for a person to say is, "I don't like the job opportunity that is available and I don't care how much it pays, and even though I am unemployed, I will not accept that job!" Dang! Just be real with your feelings and stop telling employers what you think they want to hear. Let me ventilate. I had ten jobs available, though temporary for three to four months, easy work, pay was better than average, no the pay was pretty darn good, seven people were no shows on the first day. Yet, I keep hearing there are no jobs out here. People who make that statement should say that there are no jobs out here that will pay me six-figures, give me a car, a house and let me come to work when I want to and even though I don't have a college degree or work experience, I want to be paid! Now that I got that off my chest, I can move on...Back to my lighter side, the side that makes my heart goes whoosh-the side that relieves tension and anxiety- that is writing. People always ask me where the characters come from. They come from everyday life situations, from my imagination and from just people watching. That's why those people who know you assume that the characters are people they know or maybe it's even the writer. This is because your characters may mirror some real life situations. Can you see it, a man name DeMarcus also known as Big Boy, standing on the corner with a forty ounce tilted towards his mouth explaining why he's unemployed? Big Boy-"Dawg,I told my old girl that I ain't taking no job that's not paying me yearly at least 40 g's." His friend, Psycho responds," Yo Man you got that right, slave labor ain't happening, this the twentieth century. Show me the m..f..money." See it's easy to find information on building a character. My girlfriend once told me that she can tell when I haven't been writing because she "claims" that I get very irritable. I think she is right. It's been a day and I have been interviewing and training new workers, so I think that maybe she is right. I feel better after putting my feelings down on paper. So my lesson for today is to do what you like and do it often-as long as it is safe, legal, and makes you feel good.

This morning I am preparing to do edits on my new book. I am not ready to release the name as I am really considering writing it in another name. But what I am working on is the promotion of Backroom Confessions. Although I have started my own company to promote myself, figuring why try to solicit a traditional publisher and still have to do the promotion myself, this I think is smarter. But it is so hard...Everyday I have to do something, mail a media kit, make a call, read email, and write, edit and write. On top of this still maintain my job that pays for all this. Writing I have found is easy, getting the word out about your book is hard. But I try to remember that nothing good that comes to you is easy. Yeah right! Some writers are fortunate enough to write that one book that takes them to the top- what a blessing! So I trudge along....Today I have to finish the edits on a manuscript that I have written 100 plus pages on. When I finish that I have to edit the new author that I just brought on, then I have to complete several assignments for my job. Wow! Already my butt is tired and hurting from sitting in this chair. But any level of success comes with hard work, but I must continue to do what I can to one day achieve my goal...So let me get back to writing...My break is over.

I've heard so much about blogging that I thought that I would give it a try. I guess you can say that I will use this area to talked about lessons that I have learned as a writer and as a person. This will be the place were I will just lay it on the line.

I like writing. No--I love writing. I can't ever remember not writing. People ask me all the time when did you start writing and I say- all my life. I started off writing letters to everybody-relatives, prisoners, yeah they need love to and anybody else that I could think of. The funny thing was this-people begged me not to stop. I told prisoners about the sun, the weather, what was happening on the outside and they thought I brought the outdoors to them inside the drab walls of the prison. I was only 11 years old. Relatives would call me but wanted me to write. I often heard things like-you write long good letters. So I started off writing that way. I was also a reader- from everything that I could pick up including those true love magazines. Yeah-don't hit me-I sneaked those from my mothers' bedroom, again I was about 11. So sometimes when I write and I say something a little of the wall-remember my mind was toasted young.

I learned a lot of things on this pathway to adulthood but mostly I learned that if you listen you can find your hearts' desire. In grad school I wrote a paper and the professor suggested that I should write, after all my paper was a paper about a policy and political issue but see I must have forgotten that I was in grad school and needed this class to graduate-got confused I guess and started off the paper like a novel. I remember the first line. It read something like this....A little girl asleep with vivid dreams of her dancing in her ballerina slippers and pink leotard, early to bed because she was hungry because of the new policy of the Republican's ..... The professor wrote-great paper-should be a writer and he gave me an A-plus over a b-plus. Later he said, "become a writer-geez". That was the beginning for me. Lesson 1- do what you love- so here I am.